I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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