I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
