you guys were way drunker than both of me
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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