Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
