I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
