How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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