I think my vagina is haunted
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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