just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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