just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
