I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Non-Jews are for practice
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
