We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
