I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
