My first STD was from a foam party
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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