You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
