Tell her she can't have a vagina
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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