i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
