Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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