we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
