we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
