I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
