I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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