The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
