Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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