Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
