i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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