I'm gonna have a badass scar
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize