sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize