Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
