Im at strip club and am horny
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
