O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
NoShamevember. You game?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
