Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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