You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Did you pee in the oven last night??
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
