i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
my penis made a compromise with my morals
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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