also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
