how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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