I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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