yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize