And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
