One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
