STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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