my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
The best revenge is premature balding
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
