Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Randomize
