i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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