Old men and throwing up are my life now.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I said "one day" and that day is not today
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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