Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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