So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
