The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
