Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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