Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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