If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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