We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
