he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
