A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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