Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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