What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
