Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
