Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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