I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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