so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
