He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
