Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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