I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
