I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
