all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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