Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
