I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
