dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
it wasn't lemon gatorade
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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