You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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