Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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