there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
