I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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