My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
