you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
