Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
