Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
