i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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