Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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