no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
