Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
